The biggest day of our lives was fast approaching and my now Wife asked me to consider taking her name and creating a double barrel surname, I was a Gordon and my wife a Millen. My initial thoughts were no. I was the man and therefore she must take my second name as thats the tradition, right? and after all what real man takes his partners second name. I walked out the room and sat on the end of our bed and thought over what she had asked, I felt a mixture of emotions, emasculated, concerned what my family would think, am I going to break the family tree and most of all confused.
After a short time to think about this I began building up reasons why I shouldn’t and reasons why I should, and to be honest the reasons why I shouldn’t simply didn’t stand up. I could only reason with why I should. I came to realise my masculinity comes from my own strength, my own power to make a decision, not from a tradition that I can’t relate to, the idea that it’s emasculating to take your partners name is ridiculous. I would be asking her to take my second name as if she was my property, she had no say. But I don’t want her as my property she is my equal, we strive for equality yet this tradition seems to have double standards, it removes her voice. The idea that simply by taking her second name would show my respect for her as not just my partner but as my equal became one of the strongest factors in my decision.
I considered the future, the possibility of having our own family is of course to be taken into account, I wanted to share a family name. I believe it creates a stronger family unit. Sharing a surname sits in alignment with my beliefs and I intend to action that. Not only is it important to me to create our own family unit in sync I also marry into my wifes family, marriage interlinks me with them and I could not be prouder to share and champion the family name alongside my own. It was starting to become a no brainer, taking her second name wasn’t such a daunting idea and after all it does have a nice ring to it Millen-Gordon.
My outcome came down to my beliefs and reasonings. I felt this was the right decision for me & our future, I stood for what felt right and without the idea from my wife perhaps this may not have happened, she helped me be more open minded and I hope that this inspires other men to consider taking there partners second name or for women to suggest the idea, only of course if this is something you would want, I share no negative opinions which ever way name change is driven in a marriage it’s down to the discretion of the couple involved and if equal voices are heard & both parties satisfied in the end it’s a success. Thats my story Mr. Mrs. Millen-Gordon and I could not be more proud.
Photography by – Wish Wish Weddings
Suit – Saint Crispin Bespoke
Cufflinks – Monica Vinader
Fragrance – JoMalone
Dress – Kate Halfpenny
Shoes – Manolo Blahnik
Champagne – Moet
Rings – Tiffany
Flowers – Maison de Fleurs
Candles – JoMalone
Cake – The Natural Cake Company